Why I’d do (or would have done) John Candy, Chris Farley, and fat Seth Rogen

11 03 2010

I am very predictable when it comes to men. I have a very specific type that I have always been drawn to, long before I realized there was a pattern. Every guy I’ve ever dated or been….ahem….involved with has two things in common:

Tall.

Skinny.

Usually very skinny. What my friend likes to call a “heroin physique”.

This has been going on since I was old enough to notice boys. It’s just what does it for me, try as I may to fight it.

But, there is one thing that can override these natural tendencies. That, my friends, is the funny factor.

There is something about someone knowing how to make people laugh that is just captivating and, well….kind of hot.

If someone knows how to make me laugh, I mean really laugh, chances are that I will forever adore them and see them through permanent beer-like goggles. The people who amaze me with their ability to charm the pants off hysterical laughter out of me are the ones who are attractive to me.

And the ones who are likely to get me to put out faster than a 15 year-old wearing a purity ring backstage at a Jonas Brothers concert. *

So that is why I would do (or would have done) John Candy, Chris Farley, and Seth Rogen before (well, and after) he lost weight. Also, Jonah Hill. I fucking love that kid.

So ladies, keep your Vin Diesels and your Gerard Butlers and your Brad Pitts. Give me your David Spades, your Jason Segels and your Michael Ian Blacks. And your Jack Blacks!

And while you’re feeling like you’ll never measure up to their rock hard abs and pristine BMIs I’ll be laughing my ass right out of my panties.

If I ever wore any.

*Theoretically. I’m married and shit.

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7 responses

11 03 2010
Stacy

OMG, you see…this is why you’re my sister from another mister! I am MADLY in love with Seth Rogan – and the Seth Rogan from “Knocked Up.” That’s my dream man! The funny factor is extremely important to me! If you have that (and not fart joke funny, WITTY funny), then you have my attention! Looks are so not important to me if you’re smart, ambitious, and can make me laugh! I mean, just take a look at my ex boyfriend…he was 5 fucking 3 feet tall! And I’m 5’7!!!!! But I was madly in love, it didn’t matter. Sure, we broke up, but it had nothing to do with his height!

11 03 2010
amburgular

Very important question Stacy….have you seen Freaks and Geeks?

12 03 2010
Nils

Micheal Ian Black always, Jason Siegel hells yea, David’s short for my taste but Paul Rudd is a great trade. (Especially when he was Clueless’ sister and all college hipster-y) I’m glad someone else knows about Freaks and Geeks; may I assume similar knowledge of Stella? If not, GO GET IT. In fact, I know about it and I’m going to Netflix the hell out of it RIGHT NOW.

12 03 2010
amburgular

Omg yes, Paul Rudd belongs here for suuure!

13 03 2010
amburgular

Totally blanked out on your comment after “Paul Rudd” last time….oopsies. I have not seen Stella! Will totally check it out. Freaks and Geeks, I firmly believe, was the best. show. ever. Modern Family is my choice for number two. Loooove it!

15 03 2010
Nils

Freaks and Geeks was the. BEST. SHOW. EVER. FOREVER.

Modern Family makes me lol everyday of my life. This one time my brother introduced me to “Four Loko” which is in a can and 12% alcohol. This is that time, and because they wouldn’t let me text I’m SO drunk(ish) commenting on blogs. Hooray!

Happy friendversary! 😀

15 03 2010
amburgular

‘this is that time” hehehe, I love you!
And I say everyone should celebrate friendiversary…..these are the things that matter, people! 🙂

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