This is why I hate yourface

29 03 2010

I’m in a list kind of mood lately. If you don’t like it….well, you can suck it.

There are a few personality traits that can pretty much automatically earn you a spot on my I Hope You Die in a Fire I Don’t Want to be Your Friend, Ever list.

1. The 1-Upper

Gee, I’m really quite upset about my dog breaking her leg.”

“Try having your dog disemboweled by your legally blind neighbor’s lawn mower in front of a passing troop of Girl Scouts. Now that was upsetting!”

There is no story or concern too big or too small. They will find a way to 1-up you each and every time. I know everyone relates things to their own experiences, but it is possible to do that without minimizing the feelings of others.  All it takes is a “Oh wow, I’m really sorry that happened” to prevent being a huge douchebag and instead be a potential friend/decent human being.

2. The No-Show


Oh, how this pisses me off. Especially if you are the one who initiated the plans. If you must back out of your own plans, there are countless ways in which to notify a person of your cancellation in this day and age. Call, text, email, IM, etc. Use them, fuckface! My time may not be going for hundreds of dollars an hour lately, but it still has value to me. You are sending me a clear message that you just do not give a shit, and you can bet your inconsiderate ass that it will be noted.

3. The Racist/Homophobe/[insert ignorant douchebaggery here]

We’re all people. Get the fuck over it. At the end of the day if you can’t appreciate a person for who they are, all politics and preconceived notions aside, you are the flawed one.

4. The “Fatty”


If you are smaller than me, do not complain to me about being fat. You are calling me fat. Maybe not directly, but there is no way around it. I don’t appreciate it. I have been guilty of this one when I was young  and had not yet experienced it myself, and for that I am truly apologetic and almost wish that someone had punched me in the face.

5. The Saint

“I don’t even say ‘ass’ in front of my kids!”

“I would never have a drink with my children in the house!”

“Oh, I don’t eat the sugar.”

Well, I do. So you and your condescending gaze can fuck off. I hope it’s lonely at the top of that ladder of superiority.

As you can see, I’m still just a ray of sunshine. Back alley hysterectomy, here I come.

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12 responses

29 03 2010
Stacy

Speaking of 1-Uppers, if you don’t already know about Penelope from SNL, check this out:

And I hate those stupid skinny bitches who complain about being fat. I get what you’re saying, totally. There’s a certain blogger (who shall remain nameless) that I know in real life who keeps blogging about how she wants to kill herself looking at the Victoria’s Secret models and how she is so not ready for swimsuit season when um…her body is PERFECT! So is everyone who’s even slightly larger than her fat? I can’t stand that shit! Just SHUTUP! She’s just fishing for compliments and it’s pissing me off.

29 03 2010
amburgular

OMG I had never seen that before- HAHAHA ❤

29 03 2010
Ashley

Hmmmm,

Well hows this for a One upper-

MY 2 year old, tells me “Mom, Don’t touch my shit.” refering to her pony city she sets up on the mother fucking kitchen table. During dinner.

She tells me, “Mom, Fancy bitch!” (Fancy’s the cat.)

My FAV is when she tells her 5 years old sister, “I’ll kick your ass!”

HaHa!!

I’m with you on the skinny bitch thing. Everybody tells me I’m skinny now… BUT I never ever fucking HAVE been, so I’ll always FEEl like a cow! I can’t help it!

Love your fave slut bag!

29 03 2010
amburgular

HAAAH! I’ll kick your ass! Sounds like she’s gonna be a total awesomeface.

29 03 2010
Sara

Oh yes. I hate when my size 0 and 2 friends complain about being huge when here I am, at size 14 trying desperately to lose weight so I can shop with them. Yea…good times.

29 03 2010
amburgular

I knoow and I love when you finally say “Oh well I guess if you’re fat I’m totally disgusting.” and they’re all “ooooh no, you’re not fat at all!”

Even though they’re fully aware that you wear a size X amount bigger than them.

Go to hell, bitches.

29 03 2010
Ashley

Fuck you skanks!

I went shopping today, and bought a size 4.

Literally AND I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE COCK SUCK CUNTS (oooooh make a combo word out of that one!!) WHO SAYS SHE’S FAT AND ISN’T.

I have literally googled this and asked my ‘crazy’ doc and everything says if you were over weight your whole life you will ALWAYS feel fat.

I try not to say anything ever, bc I know how pissed I used to get when I was a size 16 and my size 1 friends would be moaning.

BUT, I will never ever look in the mirror and see skinny. Regardless. Hell, I can BUTTON a 2, can’t SIT, but you know… details details….

I love/hate your face slut!

Be nice to us SUPPOSEDLY skinny girls, bc honestly SOME of us don’t feel skinny. Those other bitches I’m with you, let’s whip their asses!

30 03 2010
amburgular

Whoa whoa slutface…..I don’t hate all skinny girls, just the ones who know I’m a size 7 (which I’m totally fine with-but that’s not the point) OR a size 14 when I was fat)) and STILL have the balls to bitch to me about being a fatass at a size 5/3/1 whatever.

It’s indirectly calling me fat and that’s fucking rude!

30 03 2010
Ashley

Lol!!!

You’re a nutball!

Where is my combo word for ‘COCK SUCKING CUNTS’

I’m waiting!!!!

30 03 2010
amburgular

C Scunts?

31 03 2010
Ashley

LOL!!!

I like the ‘scunts’ part!!!!!!!!!!

29 04 2010
Throat Punch Thursday «

[…] can I say, some months I have the crazy, rant-happy PMS, and some months I have the anti-social, just pretend I don’t exist variety. […]

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