Friendtastic Friday 4/30

30 04 2010

That’s right, Friendtastic Friday is back (and finally has it’s own graphic)! And I have some kickass bloggers for you to befriend!

First, I send you to meet Heather at Boyfriend Challenged, where she reports the honest, sometimes brutal, and usually hilarious reality of living chronically single.

Next, I must let you in on Annabelle at I’ll Tell You Anyway. Seriously, stop what you’re doing and go read this blog. If you like my bad attitude (and clearly you do if you’re still reading) you will love hers. And she gets to add dating to the mix. Hilarity and sarcasm ensue.

I love the word ensue.

Anyway….go! Read! Thank me later.





Throat Punch Thursday

29 04 2010

Yeah yeah, I realize I haven’t posted in almost a week and you’re all crying into your beers, dying for a word from me.

What can I say, some months I have the crazy, rant-happy PMS, and some months I have the anti-social, just pretend I don’t exist variety. You’ll get used to it.

Anywhooz,

It’s time again for Throat Punch Thursday, originated by I Run with Scissors.

Who has incurred my wrath this week, you ask?

The honor this Thursday day goes toooooooooo:

Facebook Dramatards!

Social media is the death of healthy social interactions. What the fuck is wrong with the picture when people can’t even have one on one arguments anymore? Instead it takes place 100% through passive aggressive “status updates” addressing no one in particular, though clearly meant for someone quite particular indeed.

I’ve done it. I bet you’ve done it.

When did we become such socially retarded pussies?

Whatever happened to the days when if you had a beef with your friend, you fucking called them or met up and discussed it like adults? Or punched  each other in the face a few times and then got over it.

Whatever.

Though we’ve all done it a time or two, everyone has a king/queen of internet drama somewhere in their list of friends. Every week they have some kind of end-of-the-world cat fight catastrophe going down on their page.

And to you, Facebook Dramatard,

THROAT PUNCH!

You fucking suck.

I feel better.





Throat Punch Thursday

23 04 2010

Yes, I know it’s Friday. But I just discovered Throat Punch Thursday and I really want to participate, and damn it, it’s my blog and I’ll suspend reality if I fucking want to, so,  I declare it Thursday on Le Meh.

Dear Mom Who Gives Me a Look of Disdain for Sitting on a Bench and Texting While My Kid Plays at the Park,

I’m glad I could brighten your day by helping you to feel superior to parents like me. I could tell you about how yesterday I was here bouncing up and down on the see-saw with my son on my lap until I thought my ass was going to flatten like a pancake. I could tell you how the day before, I was here playing tag with my kid and his friends-of-moment and totally bit it in a pile of wood chips.

I could tell you how I get a break from my house and toddler routine about as often as I see a falling star, or about how I believe helicopter parents are destroying our next generation. I could explain how while sometimes I play with my child at the park, other times I come to let him burn off some energy with other kids while I zone out and take some time to my fucking self. But, none of that matters to you anyway. You’ve already made your bitchy little snap judgment, and now you’re busy making sure little Mikey sanitizes his hands every time he touches a new piece of playground equipment.

So, instead of that healthy discourse, how about I just punch you in the fucking throat.

Ahh. I feel better.

Throat Punch Thursday was created by Sarah at Running with Scissors. Grab the button and join the party!





You’re a Wha…?

22 04 2010

I’m a member of an online community of 20something Bloggers (even though I don’t have the badge up because WordPress sucks and I haven’t made my own html graphic yet like I did for my Facebook fan box, which was a waste of time for my whopping two fans. Update: 3 fans! Woohoo Kristen Brumm!)

Anyway…

Recently there was a topic posted in the forums about 20something virgins. Personally I was shocked at how many spoke up to say that they too, were strangers to the s-e-x at ages like 20, 24 or 26.

Now, I have no problem with people choosing not to have sex. I haven’t known what it was like to be a virgin since the tender age of 14, so it’s pretty difficult for me to imagine it at the age of 20 or 24. But, theoretically, it’s not something I’m going to oppose.

What does irk me is the preoccupation that so many virgins seem to have with their own sexual status. They feel the need to inform people of their choice and then watch for a negative reaction so that they can report back to the others that they were outcast and victimized.

Bottom line, if you choose to remain a virgin until you’re married, or until you’re 40, or whatever it is that you’re waiting for, and you feel the need to make it your prime goal in life to talk about it, don’t complain when some people react badly. You are the one defining yourself by your sexual preferences, the recipient of your revelation is only following suit. And that, in my opinion is the opposite of social progress.

Whether or not you have sex does not make you who you are. Which gender you prefer sexually does not make you who you are. Your nose hook fetish does not make you who you are (favorite search engine term of the week. Sorry to disappoint you, random Googler). If you let these things define you, then you are no better than the person judging you for them.

In the year 2010, I would think people could let go of things like the virgin label. Who cares?

Sex is a mere physical act between two animals. Basing your worth (and others) as a person on something so petty is beyond my understanding. As are many things lately.





Stoner History 101: 4.20

20 04 2010

I’m back!

The beasts in my sinuses are being eradicated as we speak by my good friend, Zithromax, and just in time for the biggest stoner holiday of the year.

Most people who have had any exposure to “cannabis culture” have heard 4.20 referenced, but do you really know where it comes from?

Legend has it, in 1971, a group of California teenagers were tipped off to the existence of an abandoned cannabis crop near Point Reyes. Each afternoon the group would meet after school at 4:20 at the Louis Pasteur statue to smoke marijuana and go looking for the fabled crop. The abandoned plants were never found, but the smoking ritual remained. The group called themselves the “Waldos” due to their tendency to hang out against a wall after school.

It just so happened that one of the Waldos had a brother with a connection to the Grateful Dead. The boys had regular contact (and smoke outs) with the Dead, who would spread 4.20 as a stoner term throughout the nation.

Today, activists for legalization of marijuana use 4.20 as a day to not only celebrate and consume cannabis, but also to educate about its uses and advocate its decriminalization in non-medical form in the US.

The largest annual celebration takes place on the University of Colorado’s Boulder campus. The past two years’ events in Boulder have included over 10,000 attendees.

So, have a happy 4.20 everyone! I know I will. 😉 And keep an eye out for future Stoner History 101 posts.





It’s cool, sinuses

15 04 2010

It’s not like I need to breathe through my nose or anything. I mean, that’s what my mouth is for, right?

Besides, you’re obviously busy pumping out mucus like Michelle Duggar shits out kids.

It’s cool.





[Guest Post!] WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO HOOK UP WITH A TOURIST (And that tourist is me)

13 04 2010

Hello, I’m Ella Unread and I write FROM THE STUPIDEST CORNER OF MY MIND.
I am taking part on 20sb‘s 7th Blog Swap and I get to invade Amber’s blog *cackles* though she gets to do the same to mine *shrieks*.

I am pretty honest and people tend to hate it. You can call me cocky, you can call me a bitch. Who knows…I just feel what my mind tells me to.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO HOOK UP WITH A TOURIST (And that tourist is me)

Sample tourist: me
Location: Albany, NY.
Time: Around April 2009.

Have you ever been to the usual bar and saw an unknown face and just couldn’t not invite her a drink? It happens to everybody…or so I heard.

* giggles*

What happened?
I was dancing and singing at the tune of “What’s my age again?” when a college student approached me and invited me a drink.

His ears might have been sharp because at my “No, thank you” reply he immediately caught my accent, which allowed him to continue: “Oh, did I hear an accent? Where are you from?”

“Argentina”, I said. Every word I muttered led him to a new question, I swear not only my tone was horrendous but also the looks my friends and I exchanged. I was behaving as a weirdo who just wanted to be left alone. No more, no less. This guy was persistent though, because he kept trying to chat with me, regardless of my bad mood. I was getting annoyed (and I am one faithful girl so when guys get close to me and I am in a relationship I simply run away, as if talking to someone made me less of a good girlfriend) and I decided to let my brutal honesty come out.

“I am sorry, whatever your name is, but I really don’t want a drink and I think I made it clear I am not up for a conversation either” , said the bitch inside me.

“It’s OK, I appreciate your honesty” – he said. “And for the record, when an American guy invites you a drink, it means he is interested in you”

“Ok, I know…but when a girl rejects it, it means she is not interested. Sorry” – I said.

He laughed in such a warm, friendly way at my last utterance. He gave me a huge smile and said “Well, I can only tell you something, if all girls were like you, I wouldn’t be broke. Good night and have fun!” …and so he left, with a flashing smile and some money left in his wallet.

Thanks for stopping by, Ella! Read my guest post on Ella’s blog today here!