Get Yer Binoculars Out!

5 04 2010

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and summer is fast approaching. This means if you start paying attention, you may be able to have the  prestigious pleasure of catching an early glimpse of this season’s (not so) elusive creature:

The Douchebaguette.


While Douchebags are easy to spot running rampant year-round, the Douchebaguette mainly shows her true colors in summer. As soon as the temperature outside reaches 60ºF, the Douchebaguette can no longer resist the urge to break out the ass-cheek baring shorts. You see, they have been paying good money all year to get their orange glow fake n’ bake tan ready for this very moment.

Douchebaguettes share several traits with their Douchebag counterparts, such as:

  • preoccupation with physical appearance, exhibited by behaviors such as excessive tanning and gym obsession. Douchebaguettes may also show signs of body modification, such as acrylic fingernails, breast implants and hair extensions.
  • Ignorance, blissful or otherwise.
  • Tendency to pose for photos holding alcoholic beverages.

Other giveaways include:

  • skunk-like two-tone, straight, stringy hair:

  • Speaking in either an overly high-pitched or excessively husky voice. (ahem…Miley Cyrus…ahem)

Douchebaguettes may be spotted anywhere, but hunters report the most success in areas such as college dorms, where they are often discovered during their post-mating ritual, the Walk of Shame.

This Public Service announcement brought to you by MEH.

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7 responses

5 04 2010
Heather

Hahahahahaha you don’t need binoculars to see their asses hanging out.

But I would say that I prefer the douchebagguettes to the I’m-55-years-old-and-think-i-still-look-good-in-my-teenage-daughters-clothes types

6 04 2010
Sara Strand

I really hate the skunk look. Who started this?! “Yeah- I want to look like a skunk, yall!” I mean come on. And where are these people buying their pants and shorts? Because I have a bubble ass and can’t find anything that will fit on my ass. It’s awful. I shouldn’t have to have a nervous breakdown in store changing rooms on my quest for god damn pants.

and yes- I agree with Heather. The moms who think they can shop at Forever 21 are awesome. HAHA!!

6 04 2010
Ash (Crazy Brunette)

Hey slut bag! I’m ALL ABOUT getting fake tits!

After my tits doubling in size when I was pregnant (BOTH times), and breastfeeding (BOTH TIMES) and losing 50lbs on top of all the baby weight… My tits look like piles of dog shit.

When I get them, I’m fucking posting pictures of those bad boys on my blog!!! I’m going to be PROUD of the fuckers!!! Granted I’m only going to get my normal 36D. Just you know, not all gushy and gross… I’m not going all Pamela Anderson!

6 04 2010
amburgular

Just get a lift, silleh!

7 04 2010
Stacy

Amber! I need to talk smack about someone behind their back. I thought you might be interested….e-mail me for the deets! StacySaysBlog@gmail.com

Let’s just say it has to do with Jatheism. Sort of.

8 04 2010
Magpie

Ugh. UGH. These kind of girls give me migraines. Luckily their appearance is usually weather-permitting, and Ireland’s a bit too cold for ass-baring short shorts!

13 04 2010
suki

year-round shorts+uggs+skunk hair ? :/ i’ve seen some go out like that even when it’s 50 degrees out. i don’t get it.

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