Throat Punch Thursday

3 06 2010

Guess what. It’s all but summer up in here! Great news, right?

Only if you’re ready to die.

Summer is a death trap, it turns out.

Skin cancer? Check.

Water waiting to drown you, your toddler and your dog? Check.

Crippling flip flops that will leave your body permanently deformed? Check.

Blood thirsty, disease carrying insects? Check.

Toxic macaroni salad? Check.

You see, every time you find something enjoyable, there is one person waiting in the wings waiting to shit all over your parade.

And that person is…Dr. Oz.

Be sure to stay tuned to find out about every single item in your household that COULD POSSIBLY KILL YOU!

Dear Dr Oz,

You, Sir, are an alarmist douchebag making money off of people’s fear and paranoia. You make me nauseous. If I want to be fear mongered I will watch Fox News.

You suck.

Throat Punch!

Whew!

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9 responses

3 06 2010
Stacy

Haha, love it. I hate Dr. Oz too – what a quack!

3 06 2010
Kristin (Wanderlust)

Pssst… read your post a couple of weeks ago and made an award especially for you. πŸ˜› Check my blog.

http://www.wanderlustlust.com/2010/06/i-suck-at-awards-award.html

3 06 2010
amburgular

Kristen I can’t figure out how to comment on that post but OMG I FUCKING LOVE IT!!! Seriously best award ever (or at least tied with CB’s ‘Whores Around with Anyone’ award), I am loving yourface right now!!!!

3 06 2010
Sara

Dr. Oz is weird. I don’t know what his deal is. I mean- is he disabled? He comes off as maybe having a disability? When he spoke about the dangers of a sponge…I just about died laughing. I have a better chance of being attacked by a fucking wolverine in town than I do of dying of sponge use.

4 06 2010
Ash (Crazy Brunette)

I heart you bitch!

Fuck skin cancer, I like being BROWN in the summer!!!!

Lung cancer, skin cancer… We all gotta go sometime! Might as well do it smoking and baking in the sun with a layer of oil all over me!

6 06 2010
Annabelle

OMG I feel like he and I could be friends.

7 07 2010
Alison

Dr. Oz, Dr. Oz…
What will we do with you? You clearly forgot to mention how I might be struck by lightning while walking the dog. Or how I could get hit with a shirt out of a t-shirt gun and fall of the stands at the stadium like Maude Flanders. Or how a shark might swim up the St. Lawrence Seaway, through two Great Lakes, several locks and canals, and finally into Lake Huron to chomp off my head.
Love,
Alison

14 08 2010
Lamb

LOL! I always thought that everyone loved Dr. Oz. Clearly, I was wrong! πŸ™‚

27 05 2011
karin

omg, thank you thank you for your rant on dr oz, everytime i watch this guy i feel the need to book my next ultrasound, xrays, blood work, mri, cat skan, you name it…i must be sick, i must have that…arrgghhh….just watched him last nite and am now convinced i have ovarian cancer, mother fucker!!!! his check list for ovarian cancer: bloating=check,addominal pain=check, kids later in life=check, fertility drugs=check…..etc etc….thanks for bringing me back to earth…

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