I don’t care what you put in your face.

6 08 2012

If you just met me, I’ll let you in on a little spoiler: I don’t give a shit what you do or don’t eat. I don’t give a shit about most of your personal habits, in fact, but we’ll get into that later.

I don’t eat much meat. The way most of it is processed makes me want to puke and honestly, I just don’t like it that much. I’m more of a carb fan. Do you care? Good. Didn’t think so.

No one wants to hear about how you eat only organic soybeans and drink only naturally carbonated spring water infused with probiotics. I do not feel inferior to you because of what you shove into your pie bean hole. I have a pretty good grasp of nutrition. Sometimes I adhere to it, and sometimes I don’t give a flying fuck. Some douchebag’s opinion on why it’s wrong to kill dandelions for my PMS tea because it’s the only remaining component of unicorns’ natural diet is not going to change my habits, ever.

You’ll be sorry. Bitch.

Nourish yourself with nothing but cute baby animals and african orphans if you want, just please stop acting like it’s some kind of new hobby that I’m dying to be educated about. I’m not. If I’m interested, I’ll google it.

And then clear my search history before anyone finds out.

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I Feel Like Blogging!

4 10 2011

Oh hey, I still have a blog!

My life has gone from mildly ridiculous to full on freak show during my absence. Long story extremely short, my household has gained two dudes and lost a dog.

Tune in here for the My Three Husbands show.

It's nothing like this.

Expect tips on how to feed five people with a package of oatmeal and a bottle of ketchup…or how to begin your own regimen to avoid cheap wine hangovers. And by regimen I mean drinking continuously at $2.77/bottle until you become immune.

Look for me in your comment boxes, bitches!





It’s cool, sinuses

15 04 2010

It’s not like I need to breathe through my nose or anything. I mean, that’s what my mouth is for, right?

Besides, you’re obviously busy pumping out mucus like Michelle Duggar shits out kids.

It’s cool.