Throat Punch Thursday (on Friday)

3 08 2012

I know I made a big deal (okay, a one paragraph post) out of closing down this blog and making a new one to reflect the place I’m in in my life and all that shit, but I’ve changed my mind. I may have gone through some serious trauma recently, and I may be living in the Twilight Zone, but I’m still the same immature, sarcastic bitch running around in a cloak of black humor. So, Le Meh lives on!

Throat Punch Thursday has always been my favorite recurring blog event, so even though it’s Friday, I’m going to pretend it isn’t and get my bitchy writing muscles warmed up that way.

I’m not a sports fan. And what I mean by that is I hate sports with the burning fire of 1,000 suns. I just don’t get it. Never have. Never will.

So, I definitely don’t understand why everyone but me is so excited to give up a perfectly good network channel for two weeks- or whatever. I’m not even interested enough to google it-  to watch some obscure sporting events that they don’t give a shit about at any other point in their lives.

I get the whole world togetherness thing, but…wait, how is fierce competition supposed to support that again?

Olympics, you are overrated and, frankly, you suck.

Throat Punch!

I do love that Phelps is a pothead though.





Throat Punch Thursday

3 06 2010

Guess what. It’s all but summer up in here! Great news, right?

Only if you’re ready to die.

Summer is a death trap, it turns out.

Skin cancer? Check.

Water waiting to drown you, your toddler and your dog? Check.

Crippling flip flops that will leave your body permanently deformed? Check.

Blood thirsty, disease carrying insects? Check.

Toxic macaroni salad? Check.

You see, every time you find something enjoyable, there is one person waiting in the wings waiting to shit all over your parade.

And that person is…Dr. Oz.

Be sure to stay tuned to find out about every single item in your household that COULD POSSIBLY KILL YOU!

Dear Dr Oz,

You, Sir, are an alarmist douchebag making money off of people’s fear and paranoia. You make me nauseous. If I want to be fear mongered I will watch Fox News.

You suck.

Throat Punch!

Whew!





Throat Punch Thursday

6 05 2010

[originated by I Run with Scissors]

I know I haven’t been blogging much lately. I’ve been sucked into other parts of the internetz. But, when I glanced up from my computer last night and caught a glimpse of the news, I knew I had to take time for Throat Punch Thursday today.

What did I see on my local news program? This:

[These morons were protesting the repeal of the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy, which is a whooole other blog post in these parts.]

Of course I’ve seen this before, (not that it helps me dry heave any less each time) but what really caught my attention is that the news anchor kept referring to these people as “Anti Gay Activists”.

Seriously?

Seriously?

Can you imagine the uproar if this this were a group claiming to be, say, “Anti Hispanic Activists”…..or “Anti Woman Activists” or even, say, “Anti Intersex Activists” (yep, that’s the new term for hermaphrodite).

Oh, but right, it’s acceptable in this case because God is involved. They have proof. It’s right in their Bible. That they got from church. Which is supposed to be separate from the fucking state, which means it has no place in the support or protest of any legislative matter. Buuut, I’m getting off track.

Let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that there is a God. And for whatever reason, he wants us to spend our time parading around like jackasses, holding up hate-promoting signage. Why not pick some other things from his book? I mean, there are plenty of other messages of hate to be plucked from the Bible, why do those attention whore gays get all the pretty signs?

Never fear, Le Meh is here, for all of your misguided, self serving, hand selected, bible based protest sign needs!

Leviticus 19:27: “You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.”


Leviticus 11:8, discussing pigs: “You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.”

A two-fer!

Leviticus 19:28:  “You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord.

Leviticus 19:19: “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.

Leviticus 11:10: “But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you.”

Be sure to bust this one out at your little princess’s The Little Mermaid sleepover.  Hey, God hates who he hates. I’m just the messenger.

Because it’s a whole lot easier to pick something out of your holy book that you can despise when it doesn’t apply to you. I mean, let’s face it,  it’s way more convenient to pick a day every couple of years to parade around with a gay bashing sign than it is to give up eating pork or wearing fabric blends.

And if society lets you get away with claiming to be an “activist”, well, then it’s totally okay.

Right?

No.

THROAT PUNCH!

I will from now on be referring to myself as an Anti Bible Thumping Ignorant Redneck Fuck Activist. I will accept AB TIRF Activist for short.

Thankyouverymuch.





Throat Punch Thursday

29 04 2010

Yeah yeah, I realize I haven’t posted in almost a week and you’re all crying into your beers, dying for a word from me.

What can I say, some months I have the crazy, rant-happy PMS, and some months I have the anti-social, just pretend I don’t exist variety. You’ll get used to it.

Anywhooz,

It’s time again for Throat Punch Thursday, originated by I Run with Scissors.

Who has incurred my wrath this week, you ask?

The honor this Thursday day goes toooooooooo:

Facebook Dramatards!

Social media is the death of healthy social interactions. What the fuck is wrong with the picture when people can’t even have one on one arguments anymore? Instead it takes place 100% through passive aggressive “status updates” addressing no one in particular, though clearly meant for someone quite particular indeed.

I’ve done it. I bet you’ve done it.

When did we become such socially retarded pussies?

Whatever happened to the days when if you had a beef with your friend, you fucking called them or met up and discussed it like adults? Or punched  each other in the face a few times and then got over it.

Whatever.

Though we’ve all done it a time or two, everyone has a king/queen of internet drama somewhere in their list of friends. Every week they have some kind of end-of-the-world cat fight catastrophe going down on their page.

And to you, Facebook Dramatard,

THROAT PUNCH!

You fucking suck.

I feel better.





Throat Punch Thursday

23 04 2010

Yes, I know it’s Friday. But I just discovered Throat Punch Thursday and I really want to participate, and damn it, it’s my blog and I’ll suspend reality if I fucking want to, so,  I declare it Thursday on Le Meh.

Dear Mom Who Gives Me a Look of Disdain for Sitting on a Bench and Texting While My Kid Plays at the Park,

I’m glad I could brighten your day by helping you to feel superior to parents like me. I could tell you about how yesterday I was here bouncing up and down on the see-saw with my son on my lap until I thought my ass was going to flatten like a pancake. I could tell you how the day before, I was here playing tag with my kid and his friends-of-moment and totally bit it in a pile of wood chips.

I could tell you how I get a break from my house and toddler routine about as often as I see a falling star, or about how I believe helicopter parents are destroying our next generation. I could explain how while sometimes I play with my child at the park, other times I come to let him burn off some energy with other kids while I zone out and take some time to my fucking self. But, none of that matters to you anyway. You’ve already made your bitchy little snap judgment, and now you’re busy making sure little Mikey sanitizes his hands every time he touches a new piece of playground equipment.

So, instead of that healthy discourse, how about I just punch you in the fucking throat.

Ahh. I feel better.

Throat Punch Thursday was created by Sarah at Running with Scissors. Grab the button and join the party!